Day Nine: Redemption

Eight days ago, while walking crossing a street, I was struck by a car.

Human vs Automobile is at the top of my patient case record.

Today, I’m struck by the reality that a woman was driving that car, and, for a few seconds, was totally unaware. Somehow, she was blind to the ‘here and now’ of that moment. It’s powerfully true that, for many moments of our day, we are blinded by inner reality and lose touch with all the web of life around us.

It’s so curious because, that afternoon, while walking to the store, I had felt seriously happy, light-hearted, and powerfully present being on my feet, moving my body after an excellent day planning my next retreat. Joy was flooding in me that day – so different than a few days prior when I had stumbled around finding strength to go on.

The car injured me, and it was Christina driving.

Yes – that’s her name.

That’s all I really knew about her until today.

I met Christina today.

She had asked to come earlier, but I needed the right space to fully welcome her presence. When I texted back, I told her what a brave soul she was to not run away. Christine, my son’s sweet wife, offered to be with me, to be a witness and to support me in any way needed.

Christina came in with arms loaded, bearing gifts of flowers and treats - and streaming compassion, tears, and shaking angst. Suspended in time. Both our hearts were pounding like drums

After we both offered gratitude that I am fully alive, there was a breath of silence. It’s my thunderous nature now, more than ever before, to be direct, to get to the heart of the matter, so I asked: “It’s curious, Christina, that I wasn’t hit by someone who had too many beers on a Monday afternoon, I was hit by you! What can we make of that? I don’t believe in ‘accidents.' How can we understand this Mystery that is undoing us in fright-filled ways? Why you? Why me? How is this the Path chosen for us?"

We talked for a long time as our stories poured out. Immediately and shockingly connected. Explicitly crashed together. Core life entanglement of two women who have been spiritual seekers all their lives and each now facing their deepest passage between life and death. She’s originally from German, and has been teaching in the Waldorf schools for 40 years. Like me, an awake, conscious human, a seeker, following a cosmic path that unfailingly leads us into the arms of the unknown. Abducted by a fierce Love.

Here we were, gasping in the reality of a certain rightness to this disastrous calamity. Christine beside me, gawping in wonder at the ways that God was showing up in our connection. It wasn’t saccharine sweetness, nor Pollyanna escapism, but real hard bones of beautiful truth-telling for both of us. A head-on crash with Mystery.

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I wonder what event or shock has recently hit you head-on, forced you to stop?

It’s time to fully wait, to look deeply, and name your experience.

What human has entered your space and shattered a piece of you?

Face your injured self. Look. Listen.

Respond with open, gentle truth-telling.

the injured bones of our relationships wait to be re-aligned in Love

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Back: Day Eight

Next: Day 10